The Practice of Relational Alchemy

Regarding the practice of relational alchemy. The alchemical path that I am on and that my life is dedicated to is bounded by certain ethics and related practices. One of the primary ethics is our mandate to use conflict as a portal into self awareness and healing. No conflict is random or to be merely blamed on another but to be seen as the effect of ongoing shadow dynamics that are to be uprooted, analyzed and metabolized. As we progress, we generate a tolerance for conflict and an acceptance of its eternal presence in life.

The first stage of the Great Work is to be conducted alone. Because it is here that we become familiarized with our shadow material and we learn to work with it to some degree. We do the best we can. Eventually others show up and they give us the opportunity to further the work. We discover quickly what we are capable of. If we stay with the work we eventually become capable of true alchemical relationships. Conflict is still present in these relationships but the individuals are able at this stage to tolerate the cleansing fire of awareness that is being focused on the unconscious dynamics that show up.

This all sounds very cool until you are there in the alembic with another alchemist. There you must perform according to your highest capacities. When you are triggered by the unconscious complexes that you are still in the processes of discovering and metabolizing, until you reach a significantly higher level, it is natural to react, to project and to blame. It is natural for our complexes to insinuate scripting into our egos that support their prerogatives. Reactivity is natural and to be expected. In fact it is the prima matera that is necessary for the refinement we are engaged in. It’s what we do with that reactivity that makes us alchemists.

The alchemist is a magician so we have maps, tools and procedures that we work with. All alchemists use similar procedures but they differ from one to another. During the reactivity of conflict, the alchemists are using their witness consciousness to study the reaction. They are taking notes mentally as the reaction takes place. They are noting the type of reactivity that is occurring, even if they cannot fully control the reaction itself. The fact that they are consciously analyzing the reaction serves to limit and control it, but for many years, until enough prima matera is transmuted, reactivity will not be extinguished by awareness alone.

Then, after the initial fire of conflict dies down, the two or more alchemists begin to relate to each other from their magician mind. They recall their knowledge and the maps they have previously used to compare what just happened to what occurred in the past. They note changes and report any advances in their abilities to prevent or monitor the conflict. After every conflict, new realizations, new updates to their maps and models will show up and they use the period subsequent to the conflict to mine their consciousness for this new material and understanding.

In addition to this cognitive processing, they engage in personal emotional processing of the residual emotions and they engage in relational repair behavior where they re-bond with the other(s). Finally they do a full clean-up of the container of relationship and analyze and process any residual projections and left over scripts that were involved in the conflict. An “after action report” is either written up, recorded or conducted verbally between the parties in the days subsequent to the reaction.

This work is hot. It’s uncomfortable and difficult during the periods of reactivity and clean up. But then we feel the results. After we have engaged in this process and fully metabolized the energies, we notice that our consciousness has been raised. We feel lighter and also we feel highly stimulated by the epiphanies that have come to us during our analysis. We understand ourselves and the process more. We see clearly that we are making progress and that gives us a real boost in confidence. We also feel that our relationship has become stronger and at the same time more flexible. Love has been created through the Work and that love is the elixir that heals the complexes themselves. 

I speak about relational alchemy and the process of Individuation on my weekly Solutio broadcast every Tuesday on Youtube. solutiopodcast.com

- Colin E. Davis

Originally posted to Facebook on March 13, 2026